Words. Music. Comedy. Drama.

Get off my Moby Dick.

Well, I FINALLY finished Moby Dick: it took me unacceptably long, but I have the excuse of being horrendously overextended.  The first 300 pages were a breeze (my edition is 600 pages, small print, big pages) but then I had to do a bunch of crap at work, and then I had to relearn SAT math for my new tutoring job, so it slowed to a 20-pages-per-week-at-best progression.  Which resulted in me just finishing yesterday.  And boy, am I BUMMED.  Who’s read this book, y’all?  It’s definitely an experience.  And while it’s slow going at points of Cetology, when the action picks up, it for REAL picks up.  It’s like Tolstoy: when he gets all ruminate-y about nature and humans and history it is a pain in the ass, but when it’s back to the actual plot with the characters doing their angsty passionate things, it flies.  Anyway, the end of that book just ZOOMS.  And all of a sudden, you’re all alone!  It’s not fair.  I felt really sad about Moby and Ahab— though mostly Starbuck— and Queequeg!— and then felt even sorrier for myself upon getting one of those bullshit redlight camera tickets (though I was making a right on red so I’ma try and fight it.)  Honestly, Ishmael, what the fuck?  You’ll spend twenty pages talking about the dimensions of a whale’s skeleton yet naught but 1.5 pages on the doom of the Pequod and your mates?  That’s lame.

But with my completion of this gigantic American masterpiece, I can bring to you my juvenile collection of homoerotic Moby Dick quotes.  (In a work with “dick” in the title, in which a bunch of men spend a lot of time together on a boat hunting SPERM whales, this was an obvious selection.)  Some of them are subtle, some of them are pretty blatant.  All of them I love.  Do enjoy!

Moby Dick Quotes:

“And when it comes to sleeping with an unknown stranger, in a strange inn, in a strange room, and that stranger a harpooneer, then your objections indefinitely multiply.”

“At first he little noticed these advances; but presently, upon my referring to his last night’s hospitalities, he made out to ask me whether we were again to be bedfellows.  I told him yes; whereat I thought he looked pleased, perhaps a little complimented.”

Lay indeed, thought I, and such a lay! the seven hundred and seventy-seventh!  Well, old Bildad, you are determined that I, for one, shall not lay up many lays here below, where moth and rust do corrupt.  It was an exceedingly long lay that indeed….”

“hard as a twice-baked biscuit”

“It’s queer, very queer, and he’s queer too; aye take him fore and aft, he’s about the queerest old man Stubb ever sailed with.”

“A hot old man!”

“Coming afoul of that old man has a sort of turned me wrong side out.”

“For small erections may be finished by their first architects”

“There’s hogsheads of sperm ahead, Mr. Stubb, and that’s what ye came for.  (Pull my boys!) Sperm, sperm’s the play!”

“Good a masthead as any, sir.  Will you mount?”
“That I will, and thank ye very much, my fine fellow; only I wish you fifty feet taller.”

“Lay me on—lay me on!  O Lord, Lord! but I shall go stark, staring mad: See!  see that white water!”

This one wavers between homo and plain eroticisms: “It was not very long after speaking the Goney that another homeward-bound whaleman, the Town-Ho, was encountered.  She was manned almost wholly with Polynesians.”

“stacked his muskets on the poop”

“Let me board you a moment—I come in peace”

“And what sort of lively lads with the pencil those Chinese are, many queer cups and saucers inform us.”

“Give ’em the long and strong stroke, Tashtego.”

“The crotch alluded to on the previous page deserves some independent mention.”

“with which sage ejaculation he went to his hammock.”

“But the spermaceti itself, how bland and creamy that is; like the transparent, half-jellied, white meat of a cocoanut in the third month of its growth, yet far too rich to supply a substitute for butter.”

“Of erections, how few are domed like St. Peter’s!”

“How many people, think ye, have likewise fallen into Plato’s honey head, and sweetly perished there?”

“What a hump—Oh, do pile on the beef—lays like a log!”

“Don’t ye love sperm?”

“’I say—pull like god-dam,’ cried the Indian.”

“Some one strips off a frock, and the hole is stopped.”

“’…in fact, tell him I’ve diddled him, and (aside to himself) perhaps somebody else.’”

“’Thank him heartily; but tell him it’s against my principles to drink with the man I’ve diddled.”

“Squeeze! squeeze! squeeze! all the morning long; I squeezed that sperm till I myself almost melted into it; I squeezed that sperm till a strange sort of insanity came over me; and I found myself unwittingly squeezing my co-laborers’ hands in it, mistaking their hands for gentle globules.”

“Come; let us squeeze hands all round; nay, let us all squeeze ourselves into each other; let us squeeze ourselves universally into the very milk and sperm of kindness.”

“Would that I could keep squeezing that sperm forever!”

“And I’m thinking Moby Dick doesn’t bite, so much as he swallows.”

“Stubb knows him best of all, and Stubb always says he’s queer; says nothing but that one sufficient little word queer; he’s queer, says Stubb; he’s queer—queer, queer; and keeps dinning it into Mr. Starbuck all the time—queer, sir—queer, queer, very queer.”

“Jerk him, Tahiti!  Jerk him off; we haul in no cowards here.”

“Starbuck, of late I’ve felt strangely moved to thee; ever since that hour we both saw—thou know’st what, in one another’s eyes.”